I was looking over my old journal entries tonight and sit amazed at the journey I've taken over the last few years; but especially how I've started coming into my own over the past year.
I found something I wrote in one of my old entries:
as i am right now
is when i learn to love me--
my heart unclenches
I am still unclenching and stretching and learning to love myself. I imagine I will be until the day I die.
This time last year I wrote a very bighugeimportant letter that freed me in some significant ways. And although it didn't have the hoped for result, I don't regret it.
I took my first real vacation in years and stopped long enough to hear my own thoughts.
I made a conscious decision to stop listening to the damaging words that had been spoken over me. I decided to attach new words and new thoughts to my life.
I came out of the tomb and began the smelly process of removing the grave clothes. I re-came out as a lesbian, and kept on coming out all year. I'm no longer ashamed of who I am. I refuse to identify myself any longer with the damaging ex-gay mindset of brokenness and inferiority. I came out free, naked and in my right mind.
I marched with Soulforce at Focus on the Family. I started telling my story.
I rediscovered my love of camping and the outdoors. I started to hear again the small voice of the artist within.
I met some really wonderful friends. Existing friendships have been deepened. I have started creating my own supportive family.
It's been a good year. A great year, actually. A growing year. A heart-growing year. And aren't those the best kind?