I've risen up and out of the ex-gay movement and have shaken off one lie at a time while embracing my innate wholeness and truth.
First of all...that picture is GORGEOUS!! I'm introducing the article at XGW tomorrow...and FINALLY today am updating my own blog with links to BXG and the glamor article...whew! lots going on!!I love it that you posted Robert's comment....it's one of my favorites of all time!love ya!pam
I guess I've followed your blog/journal long enough to know some of your path already, but I appreciated reading your story. I hope it reaches the people who really need to hear it, and that the process of telling has been helpfully cathartic for you.Best wishes for all that lies ahead.I've had a very different journey but guess there have been some distinct parallels. Absolutely.
Christine, the article turned out great--it looks like they really respected your journey and didn't turn it into "bash the ex-gay movement." Congrats on it, and your journey. :)
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!L'Ailee and I share a subscription, so we'll certainly be looking out for you!Oh, and I'm advertising BeyondExGay.com. :-)
Grace, thank you! Thanks for the linkage and bloggage!Jimbo, thank you. Yes, I am really hoping this article gets people informed about this. My hope also is that there might be a mom or a sister out there who has been telling their gay loved one, "That man who came to speak at our church said he changed, and I drove past that billboard that said "Change Is Possible!"Also, it is amazing how alike and yet how different many of our stories are. Underneath the details, there is so much commonality.ck, Thank you so much! I really respect what you have to say because I've always appreciated that you aren't the "bash ex-gays" kind of person.Lilo girl...thanks also for supporting our site and letting people know. It's so appreciated, and I know you have a very mixed audience of people, so it's wonderful. Good thing you guys have a real copy...there are a lot more pictures in it (and fun quotes they pulled out of the story).Thanks all!
Fantastic article! You are an inspiration!
Hi Christine,My name is Cheyenne, I live in Texas, and today while getting my hair done in a very upscale salon in the DFW area, I read the Glamour Magazine article about your journey to wholeness. Girlfriend I would love nothing more than to share my story with you via email is that possible? I have been through hell and back with having to deal not only with the well intentioned brethen of the various churches that I've attended over the years who insist that I am either posessed by that "demon of homosexuality" that you mentioned, or I just havent fully surrendered my sexual orientation to the Lord for a full heterosexual conversion yet! Right now I attend a church who has been a lot more gracious then some fundamentalist churches that I've been in, but I have chosen to live in the closet to some extent because I feel this church is where the Lord has placed me to minister to others in a non-GLBT situation. Another reason why I have to be extremely careful is that I was born with a intersexed condition. To further explain this I was born with the sexual genitalia of both female/male. Through the ignorance of my parents at the time of birth I was assigned the sex of a male, but all through my life I knew that I was a girl. Unbeknownst to my parents doctors did unauthorized surgical manipulation on me when I was born to give me the "appearance" of being a male. What the doctors didn't tell my parents way back there in 1958 was that I had a vagina and an ovarie along with other misdeveloped female and male organs. I have spent most of my life in a quiet hell of fear of the rejection of family, friends, and later church family simply because this birth defect is not very common and for most people unbelievable! I gave my life to Christ when I was 22 years old. I love GOD with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. But I cannot change who God knew I was born to be. I don't believe God has a problem with that but damn if the Church doesn't! I did not go through all the misery of the ex-gay movement because I knew for me that it was a hopeless cause. But I put myself through years of self-hate to the point of several attempts of suicide. When I was 34 years old Ifinally enlisted counseling and after much evaluation I was diagnosed as being Gender Dysphoric (which simply means unable to cope with the existing sex/gender assignment at birth. Upon further testing via chromosome testing, and a CT Scan (I think?) It was discovered by my doctors that I was more female than male, and psychologically I was imbalanced and was strongly advised to consider a full gender role transition from the perceived male identity/role that I had been raised in to that of female. In 1998, I began my slow transition to the life of womanhood for the first time and I haven't looked back since. I have found peace with myself, I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life, and the shocker for most people is that I have a deep abiding faith and love for my God and savior Jesus Christ. It has been a hellish journey over the past 15-20 years of my life. I am now 48, look 35 and if it weren't for now battling the onset of Leukemia I would be having the time of my life. The only thing that I struggle with today is that I long for a long term relationship with another woman who is accepting, and understanding of who I am and that what sits between my legs isnt the prettiest piece of female anotomy,but it shouldn't matter. Sex is/or shouldn't be the defining aspect of a meaningful relationship, and that I can give her all my love in any aspect from my heart. The problem I often have is finding another lesbian let alone a lesbian identified Christian who is willing to listen to the story of my journey and give me the opportunity (for lack of a better term) to share everything that I have to give to the right woman, all because my female genitalia still has a slight male appearance despite corrective surgeries. This aspect of my life is something that very few of my Christian peers know about me. But the few who do have been God ordained friends with the intelligence to understand without judgment/condemmation. It took years before I finally had the nerve to inform my parents who at the time were approaching their senior years. My father passed before He and I ever had a chance to talk about the transition that I was undertaking half way across the country in Portland, OR. My mother and I have been reunited over the past two years and though its been awkward at times my mother has begun to more fully embrace me as the "baby girl she never knew she had". My siblings, most of my aunts/uncles have come to terms with this as well as they can. Its been a long road to finding love, and acceptance within my family, but I doubt very seriously if the evangelical branch of the Christian Church will ever embrace people like me even though its clearly defined in scripture. Check out the Book of Isaiah Chapter 56 verses 3-8, Matthew chapter 19 vs11/12. Passages that the exgay ministry folks don't want "us" to know about. Did you know that Philip the Evangelist in the Book of Acts not only led the first sexual minority to a faith in Christ, but he baptized him too? Acts chapter 8 Philip baptizes the Ethiopian Eunuch. Look that word up in the dictionary. Depending on which dictionary you use, it will define a eunuch as being someone who has been either born without a definable sexual gender or who by means of slavery were made that way. In other words they were castrated to keep them from being sexually active. Look in any medical dictionary and look up the word "bisexual". Did you know that a true bisexual is someone who was born with some or all aspects of both sexes female/male? Secondary definition defines it as being equally attracted sexually to both sexes, but it is NOT THE PRIMARY definition. It amazes me how many people in the church just accept something so blindly without doing some research to see if what their minister is telling them via sermon what is true. Lastly I want to share a website for people of the GLBT community who have either subjected themselves to the hell of ex-gay ministry or have sat in a self-imposed dungeon of self-loathing, self-hatred, and low self esteem. It is a Pro GLBT group and if it hadnt of been for the loving, gracious hospitality of this ministry outreach I would probably have ended my life about 10 years ago. It is known as ECWR or better known as Evangelicals Concerned With Reconciliation. Their website is www.ecwr.org. there is also another group known as the Gay Christian Network.org check them out when you get a chance ok? Well I hope this wasnt to overwhelming, but I felt like I needed to share it with you and maybe for the sake of someone else out there who is going through the fire of confusion and doubt that God loves them just as they are. God Bless you Christine in all that you're trying to do to help those who are trying to find a lasting peace with Jesus despite what the church mandates. For this I love you in the Lord.In His Love,Cheyenne at firstname.lastname@example.org
this is how i came across your blogspot. i am a straight female, but just love the story of not giving up on yourself and being you. i am from a very strong christian faith, and was always taught that gay people were BORN that way. i wish we were all taught that and raised like that. then maybe these hate crimes wouldn't exist? maybe parents wouldn't try to "fix" the "problem." you can't help the way you were born. God loves all of us. we all deserve to be treated as equals.
i need to get a blogspot so i am not known as "anonymous." :)
A friend just forwarded a link to me for the Glamour article online, and I came to your blog site through that link. Thank you so much for telling your story. It's similar to mine, except that Love in Action's plea for me to move to a safe house in San Raphael, CA in 1995 scared the crap out of me, and I couldn't follow through with it. (I mean, GAY people live in California! I can't go THERE!) (sheesh!) I feel like I narrowly escaped.I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog. Keep up the good work!-Matthew Smith-Soley, in Philadelphia, PA
hello! thank you for everything you are doing by sharing your story here! What an amazing story it is. A friend of mine and I are working on a documentary project on spirituality/religion in the GLBTQ Community please pass this info on to anyone and everyone you know! www.uncoveringspirituality.comwe are looking for anyone willing to share their personal journey to find a spirituality and or religion they can call home!Thanks again!Beth Rigatusobeth@uncoveringspirituality.com