Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Slice of Life

So I guess it's time for my yearly blog update. Really? Where has the last year gone?

I have some legitimate reasons for letting this blog get dusty, and some not-so-legitimate ones, too. The cat bite that had my hand in a half-cast for a bit? Probably legitimate. The weeks I spent watching the first two seasons of The Waltons? Probably not.

But the biggest legitimate reason is that...I've got myself a girl and I am getting married in 5 months. Yes, you read that right. Me, who was OK being single and in fact sort of despaired of ever being able to have a good, healthy relationship after the ex-gay movement. Me, who wrote about enmeshment with the words of someone still in the thick of the healing process. Me, who thought I'd never find someone who got all my quirks and weirdness and loved me not in spite of them, but because of them. That me.

That me has been busy dating the girl of my dreams, being in love, getting engaged, planning a wedding...

How did this all happen? Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. (I know, I think I've used this line already on my blog before, but it's a good one, and worth repeating, as is anything from "The Princess Bride" really...but I digress).

The "sum up" is that Theresa and I met through a mutual gaychristian.net friend on Facebook, almost two years ago. We were initially just very, very good friends (we lived in different states–geographically, not emotionally), but that changed after our first in-person meeting a year and a half ago. Then I imported her to Denver and that's that. We got engaged on Valentine's day of this year in the very most romantic way possible (a treasure hunt where she was the prize, waiting with a ring, a rose, and a book of poems), and it's been slices of everyday life and extraordinary bliss mixed in with wedding planning since then.

My ex-gay days did a real number on my psyche. After being told so many times that there are no "happy endings" in lgbt relationships, that gay relationships don't last, that any love I had for another woman was just a "counterfeit"–it was really hard to even dream of someday meeting someone. And then once I did, what if I got "enmeshed" or "emotionally dependent?" So many things to fear. And fear is immobilizing (at least for me it is).

Now that I'm in an actual relationship, it's been a great feeling to shed all that garbage. That's just old stuff that isn't true. It may be true about some lgbt relationships, just like it is about many straight relationships, but it certainly isn't true of a vast number of them. It's been delightful to get to know other gay and straight couples with good relationships. People who model interdependence and good communication. I can honestly say that I've never felt this loved, embraced, and cherished in my life. We started out the best possible way–as friends who knew the good, the bad, and the ugly–and that's laid a strong foundation for our future.

And what does that future hold? Who knows. I just know it's gonna be good.

11 comments:

  1. I just came across your post on the Truth Wins Out Facebook page, and it made me smile. Congratulations. I wish you all the happiness you so deserve.

    Best,
    Jeff
    San Francisco

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  2. Woohooo!!! So pleased for you. Speaking as someone who thought she would also never find someone to be with or get married, I can tell you that marriage is wonderful!!!

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  3. yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay YAY! I know I've said this before, but I am SOOOO happy for you. I've now been married 2.5 months, and I find myself pausing now and then to ask "how did THIS happen?" -- because, like you, I assumed I'd be single. And now I'm married to this amazing man who makes me laugh and loves me even when I'm a trainwreck. I wish the two of you the absolute best. I already know you are a fantastic couple (that's obvious from MILES away!). Love to you both!

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  4. Congrats, Christine! Thank you for the update.

    You're so right. All that self-defeating ex-gay garbage about LGBT relationships being inherently unhealthy, unworkable, emotionally dependent, unfulfilling, etc., etc. is nonsense. I can't imagine life without my partner and our relationship resembles none of the horror stories ex-gays claim. In hindsight, it seems clear that many ex-gay activists were likely projecting their own relationship problems onto the entire gay community.

    Thanks again for the update!

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  5. Jeff, Thank you. :)

    Auntie Doris...I'm so happy for you too. Thanks for reporting back from the land of marriage. ;)

    Fer, hey girl! Thank you so much. I know you can relate to what I'm saying. Thanks for the love!

    Norm! Yes, I do believe that most ex-gays project their own problems onto the gay community and they label any problem as being under the umbrella of "gay." Sad. So glad that we have gotten out of that mess. I'm very glad you too have a great relationship.

    Thanks all!

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  6. um crappy friend here taking so long to read this post ..... I love how the two of you love each other. Looking forward to celebrating with you in January!
    Carpe Diem my friends - each and every day.

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  7. Woo Hoo (too)!

    Good on you. And best wishes to both of you.

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  8. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! How wonderful to read this! I like to read that blog-friends were away for good reasons, and that's a great one.

    My wife's proposal was almost that romantic. In the middle of a phone conversation, she said, "It's legal in Massachusetts now, so we might as well get married." :-)

    I think Norm has a point. Ex-gay testimonies always strike me as people who've totally failed at relationships. Which isn't to be mean, but still. I can't imagine having to overcome all that garbage as well as just the usual societal conditioning. I'm so glad you did.

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  9. Congratulations from across the Atlantic!

    TRiG.

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  10. D'awwww. :-) It's awesome to see you so happy! *high five*! (Yeah, I really did just a dorky high five on here....and I'd do it again!)

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  11. (There's a typo in my comment above. Crap. Oh well, here's another high five! *high five*!)

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