Families we choose; families we create

Today I'm thankful for families. Not necessarily the ones we are born into (although there is reason to be thankful for those), but the families that we choose and create. Sometimes those are the best families of all.

I was moved reading this beautiful post by Aaron at Aanthems, about his partner, Keith, and their newly adopted son, Jeremiah. He writes:

There’s nothing revolutionary about love, or family. Even gay families. Yet there are so few of us, and so many who would stop or dismantle us, that our family is a marvel, a tribute to love’s persistence. To love’s permanence. To tomorrow.

When "truth" depends on a lie

E over at Paradoxy started his blog about the same time I did. I've quite enjoyed reading what he's had to say. Recently he's written about the lies that are told by conservative Christians in order to demonize gays and further the "the kingdom of God."

He writes:

It's very telling how the rallying of evangelical Christians into a voting bloc has, over time, led to a willingness to play fast and loose with the truth when doing so is perceived to be in the best interests of advancing God's kingdom. Why religious right spokespeople seem to think that God won't mind if His kingdom gets built on a foundation of lies is a question we're apparently not supposed to ask, but all the same it's a question that needs to be asked.

Read part 1 and part 2 of his series "Defending 'Truth' by Telling Lies." Good stuff.

Pay no attention to the men behind the curtain

Ah, now here's a gem.

NARTH (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality) leader, Dr. Louis Berman, responds to Dr. Phil's comments on sexual orientation and lesbianism.:

Lesbians make good window-dressing for "the GLBT community": They are more likely to share many of the values as the heterosexual majority: permanent mating, monogamy, and raising a family. What is true of a majority of lesbians applies to only a minority of gay men. Dr. Phil's comments suggest that what he thinks he knows about gay men, he uncritically applies to lesbians. That's a victory for gay propaganda, but an embarrassment for a man who sports a Ph.D. and likes to call himself Doctor.

I felt almost flattered there for a minute, knowing that the folks at NARTH had such a high opinion of me (if only because of their low opinion of gay men)!

But then I read this article about lesbians on NARTH's website. It advises therapists that when dealing with a lesbian:

...it is important to view her individually and to assess her as a whole person. Most importantly, the therapist must assess her personality organization. For example, does she have the separation-individuation conflicts of a borderline, the fragile self-esteem of a narcissist, or the attachment fears of a schizoid?

So, what will you dress your windows with? The borderline, the narcissist, or the schizoid?

Mad blogger, Peterson Toscano

My friend Peterson has been blogging like mad lately (and I suspect he might be a little mad as well, but please don't tell him I said that). I always enjoy reading what he has to say, but there have been a couple of posts that have really resonated with me.

How Sexual Abuse Made Me Ex-Gay is an interesting look at something those of us who have been through these ministries often say: What is it about these ex-gay ministries that attract those with abuse in their past?

Melissa Fryrear ("Gender Issues Analyst" for Focus on the Family) has been quoted recently repeating the tired old cliché that sexual abuse makes us gay, saying, "Sexual trauma is a huge piece of the puzzle. Having talked with hundreds of homosexuals, I have never met one that had not been sexually violated in his or her life."

Aside from the fact that I know a number of queer folks who have never had to endure child abuse, the fact is that those who have experienced this seem to be drawn in disproportionate numbers to ex-gay ministries. This naturally ends up skewing the views of these professional ex-gays.

Peterson says they are asking the wrong question. 'Instead of searching for the elusive root causes of same-sex attraction, I wish they would ask themselves, "Why do our programs attract same-gender loving people who have also been sexually abused?"' Read the rest.

Another excellent post from Peterson is his recent post about the "Ex-Gay Lifestyle"--an exploration of what it means to be in the "Gay Lifestyle" and what it means to choose a brand-new "Ex-Gay Lifestyle."

It's definitely worth a look, especially to see a page from the actual manual he received while doing his time at the Homo No Mo halfway house (aka Love In Action, in Memphis, Tennessee). The Ex-Gay Lifestyle Exposed!

Check out these great posts (and many more) over at Peterson's blog.