And what a year it was

This has been the year that I really began to make my own acquaintance.

I was looking over my old journal entries tonight and sit amazed at the journey I've taken over the last few years; but especially how I've started coming into my own over the past year.

I found something I wrote in one of my old entries:

as i am right now
is when i learn to love me--
my heart unclenches

I am still unclenching and stretching and learning to love myself. I imagine I will be until the day I die.

This time last year I wrote a very bighugeimportant letter that freed me in some significant ways. And although it didn't have the hoped for result, I don't regret it.

I took my first real vacation in years and stopped long enough to hear my own thoughts.

I made a conscious decision to stop listening to the damaging words that had been spoken over me. I decided to attach new words and new thoughts to my life.

I came out of the tomb and began the smelly process of removing the grave clothes. I re-came out as a lesbian, and kept on coming out all year. I'm no longer ashamed of who I am. I refuse to identify myself any longer with the damaging ex-gay mindset of brokenness and inferiority. I came out free, naked and in my right mind.

I marched with Soulforce at Focus on the Family. I started telling my story.

I rediscovered my love of camping and the outdoors. I started to hear again the small voice of the artist within.

I met some really wonderful friends. Existing friendships have been deepened. I have started creating my own supportive family.

It's been a good year. A great year, actually. A growing year. A heart-growing year. And aren't those the best kind?

The only Holiday card you'll get from me

I particularly like the fact that the stockings are hung with binder clips. I almost went for the duct tape...but thought that might be too stereotypically lesbian.

Blogging about not blogging

Ah, my poor neglected blog.

Because I'm engaging in one of my favorite pasttimes (procrastination), I thought I ought to at least blog about not blogging.

I've not been blogging lately (my second favorite pasttime--stating the obvious).

Mostly it's because I'm under a bit of a gag order due to a pending article for which I was recently interviewed.

I've also had friends in town. My dear friend Jules, from Australia, will be here for the rest of December, and Peterson was just here as well.

He came here partially to prop me back up after the interview, which lasted two days. I'm extremely grateful for him and other local friends who have supported me during this process. I'll be free to say more about it when the article is published...but for now, I'll just say that it was an interesting experience. I'm hoping that the end result will be positive, and that my story might be useful to others either in a similar situation, or to family/friends of those trying to come to terms with their sexuality.

I've also had the opportunity to meet up with some other great internet people lately. Peterson introduced me to Denver blogger Mike Ditto, who seems like a very cool guy (plus we got to talk some Quark shop talk). Hope to see him around town in the future. Peterson, Jules and I also met up with blogger Eugene who kindly drove us up to Loveland to see our mutual friend, Kennan, from gaychristian.net perform in a Christmas Concert. Kennan and Eugene are both such cool guys and it was nice to spend time with them.

Anyway, that's my story about why I haven't been blogging and I'm sticking to it.

I'm running late (those who know me would never have guessed), so I'm off...back to the land of "not-blogging."

Hope everyone has a very happy holiday season. Or, at least tolerable. Hey...I'm a realist. Oh, and for some funny photos of kids scared of santa, check out this photo gallery (hat tip: Sara at goingjesus.com).