Recent Travels Part 2 of 3: Connecticut

Jed took me to Sarah Lawrence college to watch Peterson's Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House play. During the Q&A, I had the opportunity to come on-stage with Peterson and say a few words about being a woman in the ex-gay movement. Peterson mentioned it on his blog, and thankfully rephrased what I'd actually said so that it made sense.

Here's a very blurry picture of us. Peterson suggested we think of it as art. Hmmm, I think I recall that it's his water that I have in my hand and took a drink from. Well, he's a sharing kind of guy.

Here are three images of Peterson using every electronic device he carries with him, all in the space of about a half-hour. I think it's clear he was wishing I would stop using the crazy flash on him. Oh, and don't worry. He didn't eat any of that pizza. He's still a good vegan boy.




Peterson arranged for me to stay at the house of a Friend (that's capitol "F" kind of friend...a friend who also is a Quaker Friend). I was very thankful to have a place to stay.

This guy's house had enough stuff in it to fill about three houses. I did have to laugh when I saw his "simplify" sign, though. I've highlighted the little sign in front of the "simplify." It says, "Believe in yourself and anything is possible." I guess we all have to start somewhere.


I also got to spend an evening with Mike A. and also with Steve Boese from A Tenable Belief. It was wonderful to spend time with them both, and in addition, I was able to spend quite a bit more time getting to know Steve, and that was fantastic.


Here's another of Peterson and myself just before I boarded the bus back to NYC.

(Some other pictures from my trip are in the previous post below this.)

Recent Travels Part 3 of 3: Miscellaneous Photos

Here are some photos I took while out and about. The weather was wonderful and amazing the entire trip. When I left, it started storming. I'll let you make of that what you will.

Pictures from the hike:



Pictures from NYC:




I had to take a picture of myself at Grand Central Station since I was proud of myself for making it there. During the very early morning (for me) commute from NJ to NYC, Jed had given me instructions for the subway, which I wrote down while half-asleep. Also, since I get extremely carsick I had to write without looking. My instructions turned out to be quite crypic, even for me. For "42nd Street" I had only written "4C." Well, I guess it kind of sounds like 42nd street. To describe the cross-town shuttle I wrote "black ball white" which is referencing the color of the route number indicator on the subway train (which was actually gray). So, you can imagine that I was really proud of myself to have gotten this far, and I think it shows on my face.





I did photoshop the following image from several that I'd taken, although I did take them as motion shots on purpose. I don't think I could ever sit through an actual church service for quite a while still (some wounds take a long time to heal), but I did enjoy going in as a tourist.




Inside the Guggenheim which I didn't tour on this trip (I did in '95) because there was a show being installed.




I took these two while in stopped traffic on some bridge or another.

The deal.

OK, here's the deal, see. There's really good reasons why I haven't blogged.

No, really.

Besides my finger (which doesn't seem to be healing that well, although it's much easier to type now without it taped), I am really sick (didn't make it too far into the cold/flu season, did I?).

I also have a freelance boss, whom I've worked for since 2002, who just completely went crazy about a month and a half ago and decided that I am the root of all evil. Totally baffling, upsetting, and crazy-making. I've been accused of everything from inflating my time to...well, too many things to list.

My contract is over at the end of October, and then I'll have to find some new clients (this one was about 80 percent of my annual work), because the thought of being in the same building with her for longer than that is just killing me (besides, she says she doesn't want to use anymore freelance after that). Only 13 more working days left. Not that I'm counting or anything. And not that I've had nausea and stomach pains every day for that last two weeks.

Anyway, I also lost the charger for my camera batteries. A new one is on order (I put it off until I realized that I had looked in all the same spots over 5 times each and I was bordering on developing OCD).

But that has nixxed the pictures and the vlogging, which I was enjoying, instead of writing.

Frankly, I've been really burnt out lately. Since the beginning of summer, really. Sometimes there just comes a point when I can't handle all the ex-gay rhetoric and the blatent lies and hateful language coming from the religious right. I know I can't take it personally, but sometimes I just can't help it. So I need to retreat for a little bit and just attend to my own world.

I've also been trying to have more balance in life...taking care of myself, getting on a more consistent sleep schedule, cooking, etc. That's been good but hasn't left a whole lot of time for blogging.

However, I knew it was time for a blog entry (or at least some excuses of why I haven't been blogging) when my own sister wrote and asked what was up with me because I hadn't blogged in so long. She even offered to type for me while I dictated over the phone. That's what sisters are for (well, and lots of other things, too).

I promise I will get back to blogging soon, although I might still take a bit of a break from the ex-gay stuff. Peterson has been blogging like mad with some really excellent posts, and there have been quite a few great posts lately at exgaywatch.com, so I suppose I don't feel like I have too much to add at the moment.

P.S. Here's the photo of my finger the day after I fractured it...or bone-chipped it...or both. Just call me a sympathy-whore.



Of course, you can click to make it larger. Cuz I know you wanna.

blogging update

Typing with two fingers taped together is very difficult, so I might be doing more vlogging instead of blogging for a while.

When I fell on Sunday while hiking, apparently I fractured my finger and have a wee bone chip. Hand surgeon recommended taping for a bit. So I have my middle finger and ring finger (the injured one) taped together. Taking me about 20 min to type this short post. Uff da!

Look for a video soon, probably chronicling my time spent with some elk yesterday. Maybe I'll show a pic of my finger so I can get some sympathy. ;)

I'll leave you with one picture of a recent sunset I saw while on a much less eventful hike.

More about Norwegian Grandmas

Only this time it's not about my Grandma. One of my cousins (who shared Grandma Isabelle with me) wrote me about her Grandmother on the other side of her family.

It [hearing about a brain tumor] always makes me think of what Grandma H. used to say...if we were completely saddened and puzzled by someone's death. She would always say that when she was young, death was a part of life. She saw her own brother operated on - on the kitchen table of course, and he died there as well. He had diabetes and they knew enough to know he had a bad pancreas. Apparently that's what they were fishing for (with the soup ladle)...anyway, her point was that today, death surprises us. In the old days, it was almost inevitable and moods were good if you escaped it. Interesting perspective. Of course, that coming from the woman who insisted that Aunt Louise was kept alive by sugar water and she would have no such thing. So she made herself a no code in her living will...forever barring SUGAR WATER (really, a cure all for anything). Then she had a 'spell', no one did everything, and it pissed the hell out of her. My sister and I laughed about that for a week.

Grandma was quite a character. She wore these STURDY brown tie up shoes that had a heel that hit the wooden floor like a shot. And she was a sturdy woman. Very no nonsense and didn't allow laughing at the dinner table. Of course, she would look up from the head of the table where we would all be eating one of her sunday dinners...and say, "IS EVERYONE MAKING OUT?" which would send all of us teenagers into gales of laughter...which always made her say, "Enough of this nonsense". It's funny that my family has a sense of humor on either side.

This reminded me of what my Dad would tell his junior high class when they were slacking off. "Get humping everyone!" (unfortunately for a junior higher, he worked at the same school I also attended, so I heard all about it forever.) It makes me laugh now, though. The beauty of getting older I guess.

Feel free to comment with any stories of your grandparents or parents if you feel inclined. I guess I'm in a nostalgic mood and I'm interested. Also, for any of my cousins reading this, anything else you'd want to write about Grandma B. would also be wonderful. I have more stories but I don't want this blog to turn into endless stories of my family and pictures of my cats and nephews.

Back to blogging

The thing about not blogging for a long time is that it feels overwhelming to start up again. So much has happened in the last two months that I don't know where to start. I think, instead of starting at the very beginning, I'll start at the very end (and work backwards if I have the time and energy).

I woke up today with a smile on my face (very unusual for me – I'm not remotely anything that could be construed as a morning person).

I decided to take a hike. I googled trails near here and found a trail leading to a "Lake Isabelle." That one appealed to me for reasons I'll explain later.

On the drive up to the trailhead, I realized that this was the prime weekend for the aspens turning. I know my northeast U.S. friends won't be all that impressed with this, but it's very beautiful when most of our trees here are evergreens. Not only that, but we don't really see this in Denver. It's higher up. I think the elevation here was about 8,000 feet (2,438 meters) above sea level.





I had left the house anticipating cool but sunny weather. I wore my standard hiking gear – old tennis shoes (I still haven't found hiking shoes I like), some short sweat-type pants and a t-shirt and old sweatshirt.

Imagine my surprise when I reached the trailhead (over 10,000 feet) and found snow!



It was supposed to be a short trail (4 miles roundtrip). And it was, in length. But here's what I was wearing for shoes (no tread) and here's one of the most easy, level, and least snowy/rocky parts of the trail:





The 2.1 mile trail uphill took about an hour and a half and was quite treacherous, especially in my slippery shoes. However, the view along the way made it quite enjoyable, despite the freezing weather, bitterly cold gusting winds, ice, slush and rocks, and a sprained finger (catching myself when I fell once).



Here is a little video I made right before I'd reached Lake Isabelle (when frankly I didn't know if I would ever get to it). It explains why I chose that trail and that lake. I'm sorry the audio is so bad. It was incredibly windy, as you'll see.



Here is the lake. It wasn't too much further.


Beautiful day. Beautiful spot where I live.

(P.S. - technical garbage - if anyone knows how to center the video on the page, please let me know. Since this is my first video, does it work for everyone? I saved it as Quicktime...)

Jiminy Cricket!

Apparently God has sent the dreaded second and eighth plagues to my blog.

Seems there has been an infestation of chirping cricketts and ribbetting frogs...

I'll certainly be paying close attention to the color of the water coming out of the water cooler here after this most recent turn of events.

Hmm, speaking of drinking the water at work, I've been freelancing regularly at a company with about 130 people. Recently a few of us have realized there are more pregnant women here than gay people. And considering I work in advertising, that's pretty amazing (advertising seems to contain more than its normal share of gay folks, and much less pregnant women or mothers with children). Every time I turn around here someone is pregnant, or is wandering the halls just following their enormous belly.

Needless to say, I've already stopped drinking the water.

And also dancing, since I was told as a teen that dancing is what leads to babies.

Anyway, I'm doing fine, although I feel bad about neglecting my blog for so long. I've so much stuff I need to write about (and I have pictures to post from the recent Soulforce action at Colorado Springs, etc). I will try to get a real entry™ up soon. Just didn't want my many fans to worry.

Carry on. As you were.

A hazardous profession

Christine: you saw that guy who posted who thinks he's the messiah, right?
Dawn: yeah, I read the first paragraph and thought, whatevah, and scrolled down to the other comments
Christine: well on his blogger profile, under profession it says "messiah"
Dawn: well he's in for a rude awakening when people crucify him for his blasphemy

Left behind

Sorry for the blogging absence. I've been living life and having a great time.

However, I've been meaning to share this with you all so that you can have some instructions in case of rapture. This was left on my truck last week.

What To Do In Case You Miss The Rapture?
1. Stay calm and do not panic.
2. Realize that you are now living in the Great Tribulation.
3. Pray like you have never prayed before in your life. Start by repenting for your sins.
4. Do not take the mark at any cost.
5. Set a plan in motion for survival.
6. Trust no one.
7. Watch for the Antichrist.
8. Don't give up hope!

There's also some other information about who exactly will be raptured.

The shocking effect about the Rapture is that many professing Christians will be left behind, while those very few who have been diligent in wearing their white robes (Revelation 19:7-8) will have been raptured and be with Jesus. Follow Jesus' instruction of the Christian life (Matthew 5-7) [These are the most important passages for those truly prepared for the return of Jesus Christ].

I'm assuming "white robes" does not refer to these kind.

I also shouldn't neglect the information provided about the Mark of the Beast. Here are some excerpts:

It is crucial to understand that the decision to take the mark of the beast involves some form of a pledge of allegiance to the Antichrist...This pledge of allegiance will mean that individuals accept the Beast's system of government, finance, and religion.

I remember being so scared of the rapture and of the tribulation when I was a kid. I would worry myself to tears about not being able to buy food without the "666" tattood on my forehead or hand or wherever. At the tender age of nine, I even remember asking my brother what would happen to us if we didn't take the mark of the beast and couldn't buy food. Older and wiser at seventeen, he somberly told me that he felt that God had given him his job at Albertson's as a grocery bagger so that we would be able to get food without having to take the mark. This comforted me until he quit that job and joined the Air Force within the next year.

I was also worried about the rapture happening and missing it. I would pray frequently for Jesus to come into my heart again, just in case it didn't "stick" the previous time. If I came home from school and my mom wasn't in the house, I would call the church and if someone answered, I'd hang up, relieved. I believed that the church secretary would surely be included in the rapture, so if she was there, I was still safe!

On a related note, I've been enjoying reading Slacktivist's Left Behind commentary. Not only does it analyze the fine writing and plot of the book, but it also has some thought-provoking commentary.

Ex-gays in the UK

Dave Rattigan, one of the newer contributing authors at exgaywatch just posted a piece he wrote for a magazine. He writes,

What if I had been like my friend Gary from Bible College, who spent his young life fighting severe depression and made several suicide attempts over his inner struggle with homosexuality? On the other hand, perhaps it was fortunate the pastor swept the issue under the carpet – for what if I had ended up like my friend Daniel, a Pentecostal elder pressured into marriage by a church and pastor who convinced him he could “change”? What if like him I had left a broken wife and children behind when it all fell apart years later?

“God make me straight,” I used to pray nightly. It’s what every dissatisfied gay Christian wants more than anything. I would wake up the next day and sometimes get as far as lunchtime thinking maybe that was the day I’d wake up healed. But always it would end in disillusionment, the same feelings coming back, and I knew I wasn’t changed inside.

He goes on to give a brief history of the ex-gay movement, as well as some current day perspective on what the ex-gay movement is like in the UK. He explains,

Where Love in Action denies there is such a thing as “gay”, and Exodus admits some people are gay but promises “growth into heterosexuality”, TFT [True Freedom Trust, a ministry in the UK] appears to do neither. In fact, just last year TFT severed its affiliation with Exodus Global Alliance, disconcerted over the rhetoric coming from North America. The media soundbites promising a change of orientation were beginning to worry them.

“We found it very difficult to identify with what was coming from over there, with what they’re saying publicly,” Hallett told me. “There’s a tendency to set people up for disillusionment. Exodus should have learned from that by now.”

Indeed. I wish more ministries in North America would do this, since it seems some ministries contemplate it behind the scenes but are not able to terminate this relationship since they will lose their voice within Exodus (although it seems to not be heard by the current leaders), as well as the all-important referrals they get from the organization.

On a side note, I could especially relate to this from a former ex-gay, Elizabeth:

Nevertheless, she remembers the hurt of being treated by fellow Christians as if her lesbianism were an ailment. “People I told treated it like a disease and wanted to pray over me to get rid of the illness.”

“When I found out who I was, it felt like a light had been switched on,” she says. “I was so much happier. It just felt like those people in church would have preferred if I had stayed as the person in intense physical and mental pain rather than being happy and in love. It felt so twisted.”

I recall attending a funeral last year with people from my old church. They kept coming up to me and saying, "Wow, God must have really healed you! You look so healed and happy!" to which I could only say, "Yes, I am healed, and I am happy, but I'm still gay." (I have to mention that I thought, but didn't say - wow, and I'm at a funeral - imagine how happy I must look when I'm at something remotely fun!)

Read all of Dave Rattigan's enlightening and sensitive article Out and Cowed? Ex-gays in the UK.

Some father's day thoughts

In honor of Father's Day, I'd like to point out some posts I've enjoyed on the subject of dads:

First, there's Abigail Garner who has two dads she celebrates today. She posted with pictures of her and her two dads here. She's written many articles about her dads. This one asks the question, "What is it about my two dads’ 26-year-relationship that the president finds so threatening?"

Steve and his partner Toney are the very proud parents of Kristin, a cutie preschooler. A while back he wrote a great post where he talked about a book Kristin was reading.

Kristin got a stack of used books from a friend for her birthday. One of the books is called What Do Mommies Do? Here is the gist of the book:

Inside Cover:
Mother ducks teach ducklings to cross streets safely. Mother squirrels teach small squirrels how to save. Mother bears share picnic lunches with their cubs. Mother raccoons teach their babies to wash before meals. And the strange fact is: human mothers teach children these very things, too - to cross streets carefully, to save, to have fun at picnics, to wash before meals.
...
[The book ends with] What do mothers do that's best of all? They love their children very much!

...
[Steve says]
Surprise, surprise, daddies do all those things too!"

I also would like to remember today all the dads out there who aren't allowed to have contact or meaningful relationships with their kids because of their sexual orientation. For all of those who have been vilified and kept out of your kids' lives, I'm so sorry. Please don't let that keep you from sharing what you have with kids around you who may need it.

For all you dads out there who are parenting kids, and for all of the men out there who serve as mentors and role models to kids: Thank you. Happy Father's Day.

Quote of the (yester)day

Congratulations to Peterson, who was Andrew Sullivan's Quote of the Day yesterday.

"The vast majority, and I am not exaggerating, of the scores and scores of people I know through these ["ex-gay"] organizations, are out now, accept themselves as gay, and look back on that time as very traumatic and difficult. ... Many of them have walked away from God and any sort of faith tradition because they were so disappointed — they'd been lied to over and over again by people speaking in Jesus' name"

from a great National Review article.

Thanks for always being willing to speak out, Peterson.

People (1 of 3 photo posts)

Here are some of the people I spent time with on my birthday tour (I'll probably write more about it later, but I'm so wiped out now - y'all done wore me plumb out!):

Jeff and Roy from GCN.

My cousin Anne in Kentucky.

Anne's husband, Stu.

Anne and Stu's kids (my first cousins once-removed--or in Kentucky, I guess I should just say "kin"), Katie, Maddie and Jake.

Jamie McDaniel, Soulforce staffer and friend from GCN.

Alicia flossing her teeth in Nashville, outside Exit/In on Church Street. Oral hygiene is important.

Alicia again. She and her partner, Val, drove in all the way from South Carolina to celebrate my birthday with me.

Val and Heather. Heather and her partner, Angie, graciously opened their home to us.

Angie and Heather, our fabulous hosts in Tennessee.

Places (2 of 3 photo posts)

I was amazed at how green and lush everything was. Then again, it should be, what with all the humidity there. I was also taken by the many collapsing barns and sheds found in rural areas.






The sunset on my birthday was gorgeous.

and Things (3 of 3 photo posts)

This is a watercolor my 17-year-old cousin, Katie, painted. She's amazingly talented.

I cheated on Max and Sophie while I was away. This is Monkeepuss. I missed my babies and he helped my feline-cravings.

The front porch in Tennessee.

My birthday cake(s). Note the purses. ;) I was sick for the last half of my birthday, so these had to wait for the next day.

I was thrilled to spot this billboard right before I left Nashville. Jamie (from Soulforce) had told me they'd be going up over the weekend.