Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The power of the truth

I just got back from telling my story at the meeting tonight. I think that was the largest group I've seen so far (but I haven't gone very many times yet). It was a bit intimidating at first, but then I realized that everyone was on my side and supportive.

It was fantastic. And I didn't throw up on my shoes!

Everyone seemed engaged and supportive. I even got quite a few hugs afterwards!

It is amazing to tell my story; to feel the power of telling my truth.

Just six months ago, I sent the following message to Peterson after seeing his show:
"[Your show] made me see how much being in the ex-gay world both helped and harmed me. I saw before that there were ways in which it helped me, but what I didn't realize until just this week was how much shame I've taken on from that whole world, and how I feel like I lost my sense of who I am.

Before I started the ex-gay path, I used to know who I was, and so did other people. I was proudly queer, out, didn't care who knew. Now I struggle with the shame of my being gay...when I'm around folks who feel I've failed, and my shame in being around "out" folks who haven't questioned all this and wasted time and money on something that wasn't meant to be.

Sometimes I feel like being involved in ex-gay ministries is like an incomplete sex-change operation or something. It changes you enough that you can never go back, but it's damn hard to go forward too. And where do you fit after that? I feel sort of forever marked. Forever ashamed at the wasted years and the damage I've done to myself. Forever changed on some levels that make me not fit very well with the gay community, but not able to fit in the straight world either."

I read that bit of writing tonight as part of my talk, and it really hit me how far I've traveled in the last few months.

I'm amazed at who I'm becoming.


  1. You go girl.Am so proud of you and you looked amazing.Cool shirt even cooler necklace.Was thinking of you.Remember who you are my friend and continue to soar.Am waiting to hear more..........................

  2. What a lovely way to celebrate National Coming Out Day. You ROCK! I feel so grateful that your voice is being heard and that you are willing to speak the truth, your truth.

  3. Hey "anonymous"...you like the shirt and necklace hmmmm? :p as well you should. Thanks for them. Thanks for the reminder of who I am. It's living in that truth and being open about it that's the challenge sometimes! Hopefully we'll talk soon.

    Peterson, thank you! Thanks for being willing to speak your truth...which, in turn, encouraged my healing and speaking out. Let's keep spreading the truth!

  4. Hey, did you notice that Ex-gay Watch now have you listed among their links! You rock.

  5. Cool, Peterson. I hadn't noticed. Thanks!

  6. Love the pic. You look radiant.

  7. Awwww. Thanks so much Mark. When are you coming back to Denver? I'd love for you to be able to see the radiant me in person again... ;)

  8. My dear, you were fabulous and I admire you even more after checking out your site! Keep speaking the truth, keeping fighting the cause, and remember...you've got folks supporting you!
    Your event coordinator!